Searching for the Answers...

 Here I am 22 years after our last meeting feeling the distance between us. I finally realized why I can't seem to forget you no matter how many walls and blocks I built around my heart and mind. We are living two separate lives yet there is this indescribable energy that still remains even through the sound of silence.  After years of silence, I felt an overwhelming energy in which I felt I could explode. I resisted until I became so haunted I had to reach out. I simply sent you this song:  Hello darkness, my old friend I've come to talk with you again Because a vision softly creeping Left its seeds while I was sleeping And the vision that was planted in my brain Still remains within the sound of silence [Verse 2] In restless dreams, I walked alone Narrow streets of cobblestone 'Neath the halo of a street lamp I turned my collar to the cold and damp When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light That split the night and touched the sound of silence [Verse 3] And in

Well, February 2010-February 2011 marks the most eventful period of my entire life. We started w/ a possible ovarian cancer diagnosis, G loosing his job the same week, me undergoing major surgery in March-no cancer, but no help for my chronic pain, G finding a new job in April, giving up on infertility treatments in July, adopting our precious son at the end of July, finding out I was 5 weeks pregnant when our son was 1 week old, finding out I was allergic to dairy, soy, wheat, and eggs the same week, a trip to Hawaii with our 3 week old in August, surgery for our 6 week old for Pyloric Stenosis in September, a bout with Pneumonia over Christmas, to G moving out of state in January for 11 months for his job. With all these changes, everything has worked out more perfectly than we ever could have imagined. We attribute our blessings to God and still trust he has a plan with the new changes to come. These few life changes take me to today. To say the least, I'm feeling a bit overwhe

If anyone actually read my blog, I'm sorry I forgot to post the outcome of my last post. Two days after being told we were chosen to adopt a 4  month old baby girl, we were told the parent changed her mind. We felt ok, since it was a complex situation and I guess wasn't meant to be. I finally received clearance from another infertility specialist to see him w/o getting the MMR vaccine. I actually went to get it and they refused to give it to me saying I was not a good candidate. We have an appointment for a consult with the new doctor in the middle of the month. I also had a surgical procedure completed a few weeks ago that opened both of my fallopian tubes which were supposedly blocked. I don't understand, as I just had surgery in March and was told they were clear. My Dr. said it takes at least one year for them to become blocked, so it doesn't make sense? On Monday June 28th the adoption agency contacted us to say were were chosen again as a first choice by a bir

Yesterday we received some exciting and possibly devastating news. I hardly slept last night and can't seem to focus! Why does time have to pass so slowly when we want it to speed up, yet pass so quickly when we want it to slow? Yesterday I received a call stating that G and I needed to call before a certain time for an important conference call. It was the middle of my work day and I suspected the news, but couldn't get a hold of G. He was in an all day meeting from 6 am to 10 pm- his new typical work day at his wonderful new job that pays him a salary, so he does not get overtime for his insane work schedule (I'm just a little upset about this). Anyway, I felt crazy and upset because G would not answer his phone or emails. I finally got to speak with him and we were on the conference call, then we all got cut off. It seems that life just doesn't want to cooperate sometimes! After we eventually all got back on the phone we were told that we were picked by a birth fami

A lot has happened since my surgery, most of which I can't recall other than debilitating pain. This is the first week I've been of the dilaudid and percocet and think I am experiencing major withdrawals. I have head and body aches, extreme nausea, chills or hot flashes, feel emotional, and random pains. I don't think I've yet to experience a day of feeling better than 75%, but hope I feel better soon. I am picking up a few appointments next week, but tend to become exhausted after only minimal activity. My final results revealed no cancer in the biopsied tissue, which feels like such a relief. Two weeks after surgery I traveled to visit my family, primarily because my sister said I could watch her birth. However, when it came time she never called. I don't understand and feel so mislead by her...I am pissed! She also hid out at her creepy boyfriend's dad's house after the birth and remained there until after I left, therefore I hardly got to see her baby g

I had my surgery on 3/9, but haven't been able to post until now. I've been experiencing some health issues that have been exacerbated during the last few months. After living with chronic pain for years, a large mass was found on my right ovary in December. They also found elevated cancer antigen levels, placing me at risk for cancer. Surgery was scheduled to test for cancer, remove endometrial lesions, along with an appendectomy, bladder distension, a presacral neurectomy, and removal of ovarian cysts. The preliminary biopsies were free of cancer!!! I will wait for 1.5 weeks for the final results on all the removed tissue. The doctor was amazed that I had so little scar tissue and adhesions for having stage 4 endometriosis. However, he said my abdomen and organs were covered in extensive endometriosis that he had to remove. It was far worse than he imagined possible. He rarely finds it on the diaphragm, but found some on mine, which he removed. This makes breathing incredib